Dorothy: “How can you talk if you haven’t got a brain?”
The Scarecrow: “I wouldn’t know. But then, some people without brains do an awful lot of talking.”
— The Wizard of Oz
MGM, 1939
Combing the Internet for inane things Michele Bachmann has said – and there is certainly no dearth of them – I came across what I believe may be the most truthful statement ever to issue forth from her lips:
“I am not a scientist, not trained to be a scientist. I’m not a deep thinker on all of this. I wish I was. I wish I was more knowledgeable, but I’m not a scientist.”
Bachmann – who has already demonstrated her lack of knowledge about history with her infamous “the founding fathers worked tirelessly to end slavery” quote – has also demonstrated that she knows nothing about science, either:
“Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.”
To this, I propose that we do a study to prove this. Let’s seal Michele Bachmann into an airtight room, pump out all the oxygen and replace it with carbon dioxide. Then see which happens first: will she change her mind, or lapse into unconsciousness, then coma, then death from anoxia?
I don’t claim to be a scientist, either. Though I do have some education on the subject. Unlike Ms. Bachmann, I paid attention in science class. Yes, carbon dioxide is a naturally occurring gas. We exhale it after every breath we take. The reason it doesn’t build up in the atmosphere and kill us all is because the respiratory system of plants is the exact opposite of our own: plants “inhale” carbon dioxide and “exhale” oxygen. Scientists call such a relationship “symbiosis,” though this is a big word that a person of limited intelligence such as Bachmann can’t understand.
I should also point out that cyanide is a naturally occurring substance. Cyanides are found, although in small amounts, in certain seeds and stones, e.g., those of apple, mango, peach, and bitter almonds. This is why we don’t eat apple seeds – they’re toxic – and why almonds have to be roasted before they can safely be eaten. But since it’s “naturally occurring,” it can’t be harmful, can it?
The issue isn’t carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. Of course there’s going to be some carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, because we exhale it. But the plants take it in and turn it back into oxygen, and the life cycle hums along very nicely, thank you. The problem is too much carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. Life on earth hangs in a delicate balance. We need vegetation to absorb the carbon dioxide our bodies (and the bodies of all animal life) produce. But the plants can only breathe in so much of it. Compounding the problem is the fact that 40 percent of the world’s oxygen is generated by the tropical rain forests that short-sighted interests are deforesting.
Carbon dioxide is referred to as a “greenhouse gas” because it prevents excess heat from escaping into space, hence the term “global warming” – which is a bit of a misnomer, because it also contributes to harsh winters. The excessive heat in the atmosphere causes polar ice caps to melt, flooding the salty ocean with fresh water and threatening to shut down a very important ocean current which distributes the heat more evenly across the earth’s surface. Without it, the regions on either side of the equator would be too hot to inhabit, while at the northern and southern extremes, ice age conditions would persist.
If you need any more proof of how harmful this “greenhouse gas” is, you need look no further than our nearest planetary neighbor, Venus. What makes the planet so inhospitably hot is the abundance of carbon dioxide in its atmosphere. As a result, we have a planet where it’s hot enough for lead to be liquid and for it to rain sulfuric acid.
This is, of course, nonsense to Bachmann, who lacks the intelligence to understand such concepts. Besides, as she states, the planet doesn’t need to be saved. “[We all know that someone did that 2,000 years ago.” She’s obviously referring to her imaginary friend Jesus, who – if indeed he even existed – did nothing to save the world, and in fact has only made it worse. More wars have been carried out and more people have been killed in the name of Jesus than for any other reason. The Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, the Holocaust, the murders of doctors who perform abortions… the list goes on and on and on, ad infinitum, ad nauseum.
Another example of Bachmann’s lack of even the most basic shred of intelligence were her comments regarding Terry Schiavo:
“A woman was healthy. There was brain damage, there was no question. But from a health point of view, she was not terminally ill.”
So apparently Michele Bachmann believes a person can still live despite there being no brain activity. I guess I’ll have to give her that point, since Ms. Bachmann is living proof that one can. Because as the Scarecrow so truthfully pointed out, some people without brains do an awful lot of talking.
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