We’ve rung out the old, now it’s time to ring in the new, once we all recover from our New Years Eve hangovers. While only the Fates know what’s going to happen during the next year, I’m going out on a limb as I always do with my fearless and not-so-fearless predictions for 2011.
[Predictions that are highlighted have turned out to be right. I told ya so!]
Politics
FEARLESS: As far as Congress is concerned, this call is too easy. What will Congress accomplish in 2011? Not a damned thing. With Republican’ts controlling the House and Democrats holding a thin margin in the Senate, and a Democrat in the White House, we can expect two years of gridlock followed by Republicant’s trying to pin the blame on the Democrats when nothing gets done. And their deluded Tea Party followers will be duped into believing this.
The same goes for Minnesota, where Republicans have taken over the state legislature, but have a Democrat governor standing in their way, so while they probably can’t do too much more damage, though it will be difficult to undo the damage Tim Pawlenty has done. But remember that Governor Dayton will have the same powers of “un-allocation” that Pawlenty wielded. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, watch the Republicant’s whine.
Our next gubernatorial election isn’t until 2014, but we do have a seat in the U.S. Senate coming up in 2012, the seat currently held by Amy Klobuchar. She’s doing a great job, just as she did as County Attorney before moving on to the Senate, though the GOP will challenge her. Likely contenders for the Republican nomination would be Michele Bachman, currently representing Minnesota’s sixth district in the House, and Norm “The Sore Loser” Coleman.
The 2012 Presidential field will begin to take shape this year, and Sarah Palin will give us all a good laugh by trying to run. Though if the Republicans have half a brain (and if you totaled them all up, that’s probably what you’d come up with) they will shun her like the proverbial biblical leper. Other contenders include Mitt Romney, whose Mormon background could be problematic for him, though I’m sure the Church of Latter Day Saints is drooling over the $40,000 a year they’ll get because of their enforced tithing. Tim Pawlenty has his eyes on the prize as well, but once it becomes public what he’s done to the State of Minnesota these past eight years, I think he’ll be an easy out. Mike Huckabee of Arkansas, (I can’t repeat my nickname for him and maintain my PG rating, but let’s just say I only change one letter) Bobby Jindal of Louisiana and Haley Barbour of Mississippi will also probably throw their hats into the ring. They’d probably love to run Arnold Schwartzenegger, but they can’t, as he’s not a natural born citizen.
Hopefully the “tea-baggers” will realize how they’ve been played and run screaming from the candidates they supported in 2010 (Christine O’Donnel? I mean, really!) but it’s not likely to happen, because they don’t have the intellect to realize how they’re being duped. It kinda hurts to say that, as I have siblings who are tea-baggers.
Political difference that used to be intelligently debated will escalate into a second Civil War. Maybe not in the next twelve months, but I fear that it’s coming. At least the Left, which won’t discriminate against gays and lesbians serving openly, will have nicer looking uniforms.
Media
Glenn Beck will finally go a step too far (as if he hasn’t already has with his assertions that George Soros was complicit in the Holocaust) and get fired from FOX News, especially when the lawsuits begin over his libelous, slanderous statements. Then again, maybe not. FAUX News doesn’t have the intelligence to realize what a liability he is.
Sales of Sarah Palin’s books will hit rock bottom, and remaining copies still sitting in warehouses will be recycled into toilet paper, not that I’d want to wipe my backside or blow my nose with them. Eww!
Wikileaks creator Julian Assange will become the Osama Bin Laden of what the media will call “cyberterrorism.” PFC Bradley Manning, who leaked sensitive documents to Assange, will be tried for treason and convicted, though the government will have the restraint not to execute him, because that will make him a martyr.
Somewhere, a member of the Armed Forces (probably a Marine) will be brought up for court martial when he refuses to accept or carry out an order from a gay superior. This will get a lot of press, especially at FAUX News, where it will be a feeding frenzy.
Minnesota
Taxes will rise. This in inevitable, since Tim Pawlenty refused to raise them during his eight-year regime. Hopefully, the rich and powerful will take most of the hit. What the legislature doesn’t accomplish (which they won’t because the Republicant’s are in control) Governor Dayton will accomplish through allotment. Sorry, Vikings … you’ll have to cough up for your own stadium. (Start winning a few games and we might reconsider.)
Society
The Catholic Church will continue to decline as more and more members abandon the ship. The Pope and William Donohue will tell them all they are going to hell, and they will laugh at this. Many American churches will split from the Roman Catholic Church and start their own churches.
Fred Phelps will finally die. I am confident in this, because this is the first year I’ve left him off my Death List. The picketers at his funeral will outnumber the population of Kansas. This will provide a major boost to the state’s economy, which will probably be the only good thing Phelps has ever done in his life.
FEARLESS: September 11 will be the tenth anniversary of the attack on the World Trade Center and Pentagon, and will spark a flurry of media hype the likes of which has never been seen before. Al Qaeda will try to mount an attack to mark the anniversary, but they will be thwarted, and the rest of the world will point at them and laugh. The Quran burners will rear their ugly heads again, and FOX News will give them coverage, thus throwing gasoline on the fire.
Television
Law & Order: Los Angeles will be cancelled at the end of the season if it makes it that far. The formula just doesn’t translate well to the west coast.
Deaths
My Death List for 2011. I started with five a year. I upped it to seven last year, but totally struck out. This year I’m upping it to a perfect 10, hoping that will increase my chances of getting a hit. I also had to make a last-minute substitution when legendary New Orleans TV weatherman Nash Roberts died before the end of the year; he was on my 2011 list. So here goes. An asterisk (*) means they’re a carry-over from last year’s list. They are ranked by age in descending order.
- Kirk Douglas* (94) – Actor (Spartacus). “I am dead.” “No, I am dead.” “No, I am dead.”
- Zsa Zsa Gabor* (93) – Bad research last time led me to believe she was 100 last year, but I was wrong.
- Betty White (88) – The last of the Golden Girls. Time for the big reunion?
- George H.W. Bush (86) – Former president, father of George W. Bush.
- Fidel Castro (84) – Cuban dictator.
- Jerry Lewis (84) – MDA champion and King of Comedy. The king is dead… Long live the king.
- Martin Landau (82) – One of my favorite actors. We’ve all gotta go sometime.
- Dick Clark (81) – The World’s Oldest Teenager probably won’t be rockin’ in the New Year 2012.
- Harmon Killebrew (74) – Baseball great and local sports legend. I’m cheating a little here: the news just broke on December 30, 2010 that he has cancer.
- Aretha Franklin (68) – Legendary diva, reportedly diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
I keep track of how I’m doing throughout the year on my Death List Page, now with pictures so I can stamp DEAD across them when (if) I score a hit.
Tomorrow, my New Year resolutions, and how I did on last year’s.
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